It’s been a few months since I’ve written a substantial piece on this blog, thanks to my monthly gratitude journal. I wanted to write about my yoga teacher training in Koh Phangan, but that post will be on hold for now as I’m back at work and (still) trying to catch up with all the changes implemented during my 4-week absence.
I realized that I have undergone several significant changes, both mentally and physically. Prior to my trip, I was mentally drained and I felt so uncomfortable with my body even though I was working out 3 – 4 times a week. My binge-eating disorder was in full force, and I found myself finishing a week’s supply of candy, cookies, and sweetened beverages within 2 hours, several times a week..
Ever since I got back from Koh Phangan, the cravings have reduced drastically and I find myself reaching for real fruit instead of free cookies from the office pantry. I still don’t eat clean 100% of the time, but at least I no longer beat myself up for having an ice cream (if I want one) on weekends.
I came to realize that I’ve been chasing after an unrealistic size goal ever since I started my fitness journey. Recently, I looked back at photos when I was at my lowest weight and needless to say, I was shocked. I hated how bony my arms and legs looked. I remembered how low my self esteem was during that period, thanks to years of emotional abuse.
The strength and resilience I’ve built since starting this journey has resulted in me traveling to more than 5 countries, going for hikes with my loved ones, running a half-marathon, meeting like-minded fitness enthusiasts, and completing my yoga teacher training course.
My mental health has significantly improved, which has led me to enjoy my workouts and having balanced meals. I also got back into boxing and weight training, both of which I love for increasing my strength. Thanks to yoga (which I practice almost every day), I feel very in tune with my body and allow myself to rest and skip a session if I feel sore.
I gained so much love for my body for being able to achieve these seemingly impossible goals. In the near future, I plan to organize a community yoga class to enhance my teaching skills.